The double edged sword of going home
I have had the joy, in the last few weeks of going onto the unit and familiar faces NOT being there as they have gone home! How fantastic - I am always so delighted for them - but I totally understand the anxiety that comes with.
Having spent time within the 'safety' of the hospital that we spent days wishing we could leave, we got home, initially elated and very quickly terrified. I was relieved to be in more comfortable surroundings, especially recovering from a traumatic birth which had ended in an emergency c-section, but we had become institutionalised and questioned EVERY decision we were trying to make. What time should we feed him? when did he last feed, when was he last changed, is he hot, is he cold, how long did he sleep, has he slept too long, he didn't sleep this long in the hospital what did the nurse say about this and that, it went on and on and on.
I was torn between trying to enjoy every 'magical' moment and quick frankly being traumatised by our experience. Wanting to gain back control, I wanted to do everything myself - quite honestly to my own detriment - I would not admit I needed more support both physically and mentally. We didn't realise at the time but I was actually very poorly (I will talk about this in another blog)
Eventually we started to find our feet and relaxed into family life. I got better and we really started to enjoy our little boy - but that took me time. The pressure of being 'the perfect mother' was suffocating at times.
If I could give the new mother me, any advice it would be to accept all support, let your partner take up the slack, look after yourself and spend time when you first get home in your pjs resting and cuddling your new baby.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing - I got the chance to take my own advice when we had our second baby - wow what a different experience it was...... and I did all of the above x